Why The Long Hair?

Every time someone asks me about why I am letting my hair grow long, I try to provide a different answer.  Here's the list so far...

  • It's the only hobby for which I have the time and energy to fully partake.
  • I'm like one of those eccentric, billionaire geniuses except that I don't have a lot of money, and I'm not that bright.
  • It's what Jesus did.
  • Why not?
  • It hides my shameful tattoo.
  • It's my pre-emptive strike against male pattern balding.  I am going for shock and awe.
  • I'm running a lice ranch.
  • To prepare for my new career as a professional wrestler.
  • Why on Earth did you cut yours?!
  • What do you mean?  I just cut it yesterday!
  • It annoys my boss.
  • I lost a bet.
  • Since no matter is created from nothing, I am obviously gaining possesion of a larger share of the existing universe with each additional hair cell.
  • Because wigs make my head itch.
  • To piss off my balding frenemies.
  • In case of sudden homelessness, I will fit in better.
  • I'm planning to start a cult.
  • Because the voices told me to.
  • It improves my odds of joining a boy band.
  • It's a cry for help.
  • To add more challenge to my job interviews.
  • I thought size doesn't matter.
  • What are you, a conformity cop or something?
  • Just planning ahead for my Cousin It costume.
  • I like feeling the wind in my hair, and Oklahoma has a lot of wind so...
  • To provoke skepticism when I present my ID.
  • Hey, it worked for Fabio.
  • Sharp object, ears, eyes, jugular vein... which object doesn't belong?
  • I'm hoping to be Hans Solo's new co-pilot (Wookie growl noise).  Say it out loud, "Wookie Bobo".
  • I swear that it makes me a better drummer.
  • It was heads for long hair or tails for nipple rings.  It came up heads (with only three do-overs).
  • Hair is matter.  Matter is energy.  I am getting more energy.
  • Hair cut time competes with gaming and naps.  I am a man with solid priorities.
  • Just because.
  • To shear or not to shear, that is the question.
  • I'm the anti-Kevin (Kevin has really short hair and was there when I was asked).
  • I'll check with Kid Rock and get back to you on that.
  • I will never be caught without dental floss again.
  • You should know in case this discussion turns hostile that my kung fu is better than your kung fu. (spoken with unsynced lip movements)
  • Didn't we have this conversation about two inches ago?
  • I'm not one of those sneaky cooks that allows their guests to swallow tiny hairs.  If I lose hair in the food, you will know it!
  • I'm making serious progress with my Chaetophobia.
  • Can you prove that it is my hair that is growing and not the rest of the universe that is shrinking? (nod to The Final Theory by Mark McCutcheon)
  • I'm originating the eighth deadly sin one inch at a time.
  • Maybe you're onto something.  Since that hypnotist show, I have also been clapping on the hour.  Hmmmm.
  • I'm addicted to Rogaine  ®.
  • It's ozone layer hole shielding.
  • Hair is matter, and my head does matter (word play nod to Anne Boleyn).
  • I like crashing group therapy sessions to watch the Chaetophobics scatter.
  • I liked you better when you asked me if I was losing weight.
  • You know how it is... "Hair today, gone tomorrow."
  • Of all of the knowledge that can be gained in the universe, this is what you seek?
  • Why the long hair?  Why the Mohawks?  Why did Britney shave her head?   Why is it that everyone is so fascinated with hair?
  • I'm not sure exactly, but it somehow relates to karmic retribution, hippies, and a fortune cookie message I suspect.
  • Many European girls don't shave their armpits.  I'd figure that one out first if I were you.
  • I am embarrassed about the crazy amount of ear hair that I am sporting.
  • Let me summarize this briefly.  Several hundred million years ago there were single celled organisms from which multi-celled organisms evolved.  From these evolved sponges...   Hey come back.  I'm just getting started.
  • Do you ask all of those men with short hair why they chose that hair style?  I bet not!  That's discrimination!!!
  • It's my liberal disguise.
  • Conformity is overrated.  Look where it went with the Nazis.
  • Well, I can't cut it now that you made a big deal about it.
  • It's preparation for my planned nudist retirement lifestyle.  You will thank me later.
  • A few too many MTV videos in the 80's, I guess.
  • Apparently to experience having my face tickled ALL OF THE TIME.
  • I am glad that you could not tell it's a wig.  I started balding a long time ago.
  • It's a marketing thing.
  • This way my employer knows that I am not interviewing.  It's a demonstration of loyalty.
  • What else am I supposed to do with all of this extra protein?
  • Because doing a Samurai topknot with short hair is impossible.
  • Oh no... hair we go again.
  • Because Oklahoma winter mornings are not frigid enough until you have wet hair on your neck and back to fully experience those sub-freezing temps.
  • Have you ever seen the little shirt tag sticking up out of the back of someone's collar?  Well, I can now assure you that won't be me.
  • Don't make me go Samson on ya!
  • Because she kissed a girl, and she liked it.
  • It's the only form of rebellion that my wife will tolerate longer than 15 seconds.
  • I'm just gearing up for the eventual comb-over days.
  • When asked in Oklahoma:  Louisiana men often wear their hair long because of their cajun heritage.
  • When asked in Louisiana:  Lot's of geeks wear their hair long in Oklahoma where I work.
  • I did it to inspire this list.


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